Multimedia Project

I’ve lived in Danville for thirteen years. My mother homeschooled me for most of my life and I began attending Danville public schools in fifth grade; all of my friends lived in Danville with me. For the first couple years here at Uni I felt right at home but recently I have begun to feel split between my school and my hometown. The socio-economic and cultural gap between the two communities is an increasing problem and because of it I don’t quite fit into either community anymore.

I find a stark contrast between my reality and the life of your average Uni student. My parents are divorced and I don’t have much communication with my father. My mom is a single mother and our family operates mainly off of the child support my father is required to pay. We fit in as upper-lower-class, and my mom has a very hands-off and trusting approach to parenting; thus I like to think I am rather independent. The majority of my life has been spent in Danville among people who are completely used to situations like mine, if not in a similar one themselves. It’s difficult to switch to a totally opposite community where not many understand what it’s like for money to be tight enough that our lives revolve around when my mom gets her paycheck, or what it’s like to have an overloaded single mother in a chaotic house full of kids. No matter how hard my friends in the Uni community try, they sometimes simply can’t fathom life without the privilege they’re accustomed to.

On one hand there’s Uni, a close-knit, friendly community of well-educated families who have worked very hard to achieve success. Then there’s Danville, a large and gritty community of mainly lower- to middle-class children of people who never quite managed to make it out of the quicksand that is a small hometown. The two worlds are already so different, and to make matters worse each world looks down on the other. My Uni friends see Danville people as ghetto, trashy, and painfully mediocre while my Danville friends see Uni people as pretentious, rich, and socially inept. The negative views each world has of the other upsets and affects me, but the people in each world are so different that their superiority complexes were inevitable. For example, the average Uni student would describe school and grades as incredibly important and essential and spend a lot of time outside of school studying or in extracurriculars that will beef up their college applications. My friends back home put a lot of focus on school, but school’s definitely not the most important thing in their life. I appreciate how much realer and grittier my Danville people are. Although neither world can completely understand me and my situation, Danville comes closest. They value relationships and enjoying life and spend their time hanging out with people, partying, going out, and being active. Because of their more reckless lifestyle, they end up getting involved in a lot of drama and issues such as pregnancy scares and police busts. It’s crazy when you think about how drastically different each world is.

Ultimately I’m not at all ashamed of my socio-economic status. If anything I’m proud of it- my economic class has given me experiences that my Uni friends don’t even know exist. I am an exponentially more independent, aware, and fully-developed person than most of the students I know at Uni because of my lifestyle and the struggles I have faced. I consider myself much more of a “whole” person because of the different perspectives I’ve experienced. Because of the independence, understanding of the world, awareness, and emotional maturity I have that most Uni students don’t, I wouldn’t give my lower-class background up for the world.

For this project I have decided to highlight the poverty that goes on in Danville, because I think that a lot of Uni students could benefit from hearing about lower-class lives that sound awful and crazy to us but are completely normal and expected among poor communities in Danville. I ended up interviewing my mom, who works at a local elementary school, about her experiences with children in poverty and how it affects them so that I could give you just a taste of what life is actually like outside of the upper-middle class world, just forty-five minutes away.
Here is the link to my audio interview: 
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Update: Work, Work, and More Work

In my last blog post, I wrote about how I suddenly came into three jobs within the span of a couple weeks and how I expected them to affect me. It’s been two weeks since then and I’ve decided to write an update, as I’ve begun to grow accustomed to working and the jobs have proved to have a large effect on my life. In hindsight, I can’t think of a much worse time to have started working. I’ve had to add 25-30 hours of work to my already busy schedule just as teachers started piling on assignment after assignment because the end of the semester is marching closer. Once I get through the next couple of weeks and begin the second semester I should be a lot better off because the workload will be lighter and I will have found a better way to manage my schedule, but the remaining two weeks before finals are incredibly daunting to me.

When my working hours are added to the fact that I live in Danville and it takes an hour or two (depending on mode of transportation) to get to/from Champaign, I have very little time for sleep, friends/family, me time, schoolwork, etc. The sudden lack of time has already taken a toll on me. I’ve been turning in so much mediocre (and even just plain bad) work and I hate letting subpar work represent me as a student, but I simply haven’t had time to work on schoolwork to the extent that I’d like. For example, the other day I actually forgot that an essay was due and showed up to class without even an outline. I then had to write this entire paper on a night when I didn’t get home until 11:30pm. I ended up only getting three hours of sleep and my sleep deprivation skyrocketed. My fatigue then led to my schoolwork suffering more, which led to more stress and less sleep, and the cycle began.

It’s been really interesting to see how my work affects me mentally. As someone with depression and anxiety who needs a lot of time for myself to maintain a stable mental state, you’d figure that spending so much of my time working or at school would have taken a huge toll on me mentally. And when my busyness is paired with sleep deprivation, my mental state does plummet. But otherwise I’ve honestly been so busy that I simply haven’t had any time to feel much of anything at all. Which is awful because I love how I thrive on emotions. Still, it’s been a really nice break from the negative emotions that I’m so used to, and I just hope that it can last me through the end of the semester.

However while this adjustment has sucked so far, I think I’m over the worst of it. I’m a lot more caught up in my classes than I was even just a week ago. I’ve been getting about twice as much sleep over the past few days and today and yesterday I ended up having hours on end with nothing to do but catch up on time for myself. The adjustment was incredibly difficult for two or three weeks, but I’m certain that the hardest adjustment period is over and now I’m ready to face the rest of the school year head-on (and so ready for the paychecks to start rolling in).

Work, Work, and More Work

Over the past two or three weeks, I went from looking for a job to all of a sudden having three. Three jobs isn’t quite as unbelievable as it sounds. I tutor at a program for underprivileged kids for two hours after school most days and then I have an hour before I have to be at my McDonald’s job until 11pm, although I don’t work at McDonald’s every day. Friday through Sunday I usually have six hours per day of McDonald’s, and every so often I work for a few hours as a skate guard at our local rink. So my hours aren’t bad, but the past couple weeks have been interesting.

It’s been weird to adjust to working so much after having so much free time just a few weeks ago. Now there are days where by the time I get home, I only have six hours until I have to be up to get ready for school. In those six hours I have to eat, do homework, shower, take a bit of much-needed time to unwind after work, and only after I’m done with all that can I sleep. This schedule is perfectly manageable for me, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say it’s been piling a bunch of stress onto the stress I already have from schoolwork and my personal life. I already need a lot of time that I can dedicate to myself in order to stay sane, and I haven’t yet figured out where to fit “me time” into my newly busy schedule. The effects are already starting to show as my stress levels rise and my mental health plummets, but I hope that once I’ve had time to get accustomed to this new busyness these effects will shrink as I find ways to fit in me time here and there.

A lot of people ask me why I’d seek out a job, let alone three, when the workload from a school like Uni already takes up so much of its students’ lives. Besides pocket money, I direly need to start saving up. I need a car so that I can actually get to my jobs, and I need to save for all things college. Money that I make and put away will go to college visits, college application fees, books, and tuition itself, all things that I will have to pay for on my own because my mom doesn’t make much. In addition, I thrive on independence and once I find a way to get a car and paychecks start coming in, I will be able to be countlessly more independent than I am now because I’ll be able to buy most of my own food and clothes and the like.

For the reasons that I just mentioned, I do think that soon taking on this workload will be very beneficial to me. It may be a rough patch right now, but I hope to get through it quickly and begin reaping the benefits shortly. It will definitely be interesting to see how it all works out.

Working through Procrastination

I have always been either really good at time management or had a horrid procrastination problem. Sophomore year was an example of exemplary time management. I finished all of my homework during school and almost never had to do any at home. Before the beginning of junior year I had hoped to continue the time management skills I developed last year but unfortunately, my personal life recently grew complicated and messy. After dealing with my own personal issues I simply didn’t have the time or energy to do homework, leading to my worst bout of procrastination yet and making junior year a living hell. About a week ago I decided to take some time to actively work on myself—develop my personality, values, and habits. One of my focuses is time management. Although it’s only been a week, I can already see the effects and benefits of changing my bad habit.

In the past, I typically ended up doing most of my homework before school, during lunch, or during Uni period on the day it was due. I tried to do as much as possible at home, but I suffered from the perpetual paradox of “I’m too stressed from having too much work to be able to actually do any.” My procrastination stressed me out to a horrible extent and added a lot of anxiety to my daily life. This week, I have been taking advantage of my lunch, Uni, and free periods to work on homework instead of using them as naptime or social time. When I had remaining homework after school, I would finish it as soon as I got home from work. I already feel so much lighter on a daily basis, relatively free from responsibilities hanging over my head. I’ve been able to go about the rest of my night without having to worry about what I have to get done before school tomorrow, and I feel much better already.

I suppose this day-late blog post isn’t exactly the best indicator of my new time management, but this slip-up is due to my falling asleep while finishing some particularly boring math homework and not waking up until 4AM rather than procrastination. I hope to be able to continue my improved time management schedule and develop other aspects of myself, and I would strongly recommend working on time management to anyone who suffers from the popular plight of procrastination.

Winter Finals

For some inconceivable reason, as of a couple days ago I simply can’t wait for finals week. I’m not talking about summer finals, since I don’t ever want to have to deal with all my senior friends leaving and I definitely am not looking forward to a year full of college apps and stress, but winter finals instead. As much as I hate taking four or five exams in the span of three days and I detest the bitter winter air and blankets of snow making it impossible to enjoy the outdoors, there’s something almost serene about finals.

I would classify finals as a week of serene chaos and a time during which community and individual independence finds a perfect balance, and it’s strangely lethargic. We’ve all accepted our inevitable failure (even though the majority of us end up with perfectly fine exam grades) and we have been pushed to the point where our stress levels are so high that we don’t even feel stressed anymore. The circumstance results in an environment so filled with stress that it actually ends up being really chill and relaxed. All the irritating flaws and obnoxious annoyances that I find in some of my classmates disappear for a week because everyone is too sleep-deprived and focused to find the time to be annoying. Instead, these irritations are replaced by a feeling of community because nothing brings a group of people together quite like the collective sense of impending doom that is finals week. At the same time, it’s a week that encourages independence since we’re all so focused on studying and not failing our exams that we don’t have much opportunity to lean on or hang out with other people. Finally, the routine of finals week is really nice. Wake up, go to school without bothering to change out of your pajamas, take your exams and trudge your way through the exam-less classes that nobody knows why we still have to go to, come home, study all night, get the smallest amount of sleep you can possibly function on, and repeat. Overall even though finals came straight from hell, the environment that they result in is actually kind of nice.

                While more exams and stress is the last thing I want right now, I still can’t help but look forward to finals. The environment and feeling of finals week sounds really lethargic right now, and plus I absolutely can’t wait for winter break.

Chronicles of a Danville Uni Student

There’s nothing that brings two people together quite like waking up at five am and hopping on a bus every morning before the sun has even started to crack the horizon. To make things even more interesting, said bus is the bus running between Danville and Champaign, which means that it is often filled with odd characters. This situation is where sophomore Tina Wayne and I find ourselves every morning. We landed in this situation because we used to be the only Uni students from Danville and thus ended up carpooling through the Danville-Champaign bus and rides from our family. As much as the daily forty-five minute rides suck, the two of us have developed a rare and super close relationship over the past three years.

There’s a reason why people don’t typically engage in conversation at six am after four hours of sleep. When you’re that tired you don’t care about censoring yourself; you feel perfectly comfortable talking about absolutely anything. I can say with a great deal of certainty that there’s not a single topic we haven’t breached, from things deemed too “weird” to be socially acceptable to talk about to topics seen as too “inappropriate” for casual conversation. This variety in conversation has definitely led to some rather unusual conversation threads and quotes, but being able to share and talk about so much has helped to cultivate an incredibly unique and comfortable bond.

Besides the lack of filter you find at the wee hours of the morning, simply being around someone so much tends to lead toward close friendship. We spend at least around two hours together every day between the collective hour and a half spent travelling and the half hour we spend at Siebel at seven am waiting for the school to open. That’s ten hours a week of just the two of us entertaining whatever obscure topic of conversation we choose that day. That’s a lot of bonding time. We rarely ever make plans to hang out outside of carpooling simply because we don’t need to. Travelling alone is enough to cultivate a strong and comfortable bond.

In the ten hours per week that we see each other, Tina and I have formed a friendship where we can say absolutely anything we want and feel completely free from judgment doing so. I wouldn’t qualify our bond as simply a best friendship because it’s completely different than that. I also wouldn’t call it a sister-like bond because we never fight or have disputes; instead I’d label it as somewhere in between the two. No matter the label, however, it’s pretty amazing that something as simple as carpooling has created a friendship that I’m sure will continue far beyond high school. As much as I hate waking up at the crack of dawn, I’m so grateful that it has cultivated such a great and long-lasting companionship.

Perks of being Sixteen

About a month and a half ago I started driving, and I have no idea how I survived sixteen years without a license before then. Everyone said that driving is supposed to be the best thing ever for about two weeks and then the novelty wears off and you’re stuck being the family taxi driver. For me, it has actually become almost an addiction and I find myself getting grumpy and itching to go do something if I’ve gone a few days without it.

I hadn’t expected driving to be so cathartic for me, but I’ve found it immensely improving my mental state through many different ways. Driving tends to clear my head in some unfathomable way and it’s always nice to just go for a drive whenever I’m feeling down. There’s just something about being able to cruise alone down a country road at 11 pm blasting trap rap or French pop music that makes you feel a complete rush of euphoria and bliss. I find it similar to the emotional rush you feel when going through a  large city at night or stepping off a train and finding yourself in a new country for the first time. These moments are some of the rare moments you feel completely content and you can forget about whatever stress you’re dealing with, and they do wonders for the mind.

Driving is also cathartic in a less philosophical and more logical way. When you’re driving and controlling the car and playing whatever music you want, you’re totally in control. Being in control in a situation so delicate that if you twitch badly enough you could take a trip to the hospital (or even the morgue) is terrifying and stressful to some people, but it’s nothing but freeing to me. I like being in control of and having the responsibility for my own life because it allows me to be independent. In addition, I trust myself more than I trust others, so I feel much more comfortable being the one driving and completely at home in front of the steering wheel.

Finally, there’s the infamous freedom that comes with driving. Even though I don’t have a car, my mom usually lets me take the one we have if I want or need to go somewhere. I love being able to just hop in the car and run to Steak N’ Shake at 2 am suddenly for the banana shake I’m craving or make a trip to the store to pick up that face cleanser I’m almost out of. If I need to run to the nearest park and walk a trail to clear my head it’s as easy as jumping in the car. If I’m feeling lonely and bored all I need to do is find someone who is free that I can pick up and go somewhere with. It’s so freeing to be able to go anywhere you want almost anytime you want, and I try to spend as little time idly at home as possible.

Many of my friends still haven’t gotten their license despite being sixteen far longer than I have, and I can’t fathom how they can stand not being able to drive. Frankly, I can’t fathom how I stood it for sixteen years. All I know is I’m so glad I’m finally able to drive and to enjoy the freedom and control that comes with it.